Dealing with loss at the holidays
Superfly soccer shoes the holidays can be a particularly stressful and lonely time for single parents. Particularly for those who become single around the holidays, it can be very difficult, since the holidays will provide reminders of the end of the relationship or death of their spouse. The first Christmas without your partner will often be the hardest, but even subsequent Christmases can be difficult whether you’ve moved on or not.
Family and friends, though wellmeaning, can contribute to your sadness or frustration. They adidas ace primeknit you have to put on a happy face, or they may simply be insensitive and say or do things that hurt or anger you.
It’s normal to feel sad. Regardless of when the relationship ended, or how, it’s normal for the holidays to bring up feelings of sadness, regret or doubt. If you were together for years, you have traditions and memories that are embedded into your life, and trying to change those traditions is never easy, and those memories are never going to go away. If anyone tells you it’s not normal, ignore them.
It’s okay to express your sadness. Friends and family may try to get you out of your depression. Many people are convinced that if it’s Christmas, you have to be happy. Be assured that all of us have a story about a friend or family member who died around Christmas, a relationship that ended at Christmas, or something else that has caused us to be sad around the holidays. Eventually, you’ll feel less sad, but don’t feel obligated to put on a happy face to satisfy those around you. If you feel bad, say so. Faking a smile when what you really want to do is cry isn’t going to help you one bit.
Focus on the kids. It’s always important to remember that your kids went through the same break up or loss that you did. Being kids, they will be excited about Christmas, and rather focused on what they want. But you need to keep in mind that they can still be sad, scared, confused, or any number of other emotions. Check in with them often and see how they’re feeling. Find out if they have questions, or if they just want to tell you something. By focusing on the kids and their feelings, not only are you helping them work through what’s happened and showing them that you are there for them, but you’re getting outside your own head, which will ease your own pain and sadness.
Don’t feel guilty. For some single parents, particularly those who’ve lost their spouse rather than divorced, any feeling of joy seems like a betrayal to their deceased spouse. Especially if this is the first Christmas since their passing, it’s easy for a single parent to get caught up in superfly soccer shoes the joy of Christmas and then suddenly remember something about their spouse and feel intense guilt that they’ve been feeling happy and joyful when their spouse isn’t there to enjoy it with them. It’s important to remember that your spouse would not want you to be sad forever, and he/she would want you to find some peace and happiness particularly at Christmas.
Talking to a therapist is not a bad thing. So, you know that feeling sad is normal. But you feel like you shouldn’t be this sad anymore, or that your feelings adidas ace primeknit might be about more than just the end of a relationship or death of a spouse. Or maybe you know that it is perfectly normal, but none of your family or friends is willing to listen. Whatever the situation, there’s nothing wrong with seeing a therapist. Some people associate seeing a therapist with having something adidas ace primeknit seriously wrong, or think a therapist will diagnose them with “mommy issues” or “daddy issues, The reality is, a therapist can help you work through emotions that are lingering and keeping you feeling down long after you feel you should, or they can simply provide an ear and a shoulder to cry on when no one else will listen. If you need one, try Dr. Karen Fattorosi. She deals with loss or grief, and can help families facing the challenges of major changes such as death or divorce. Another therapist in Ocala is Dr. Hugh A. Forde, who offers a free 30minute, inperson session for those without an agency/doctor’s referral or upon request. This allows you the opportunity to determine if you feel comfortable with him.
Get out and get busy. Sometimes your feelings of sadness and grief are not so much about the loss you’ve experienced but the fact that you feel alone. If you spend much of your time working and at home, not getting out much, simply getting out of the house and doing something might help increase your happiness. Take the kids to the Ocala Town Square to see Santa, head to the Dunnellon Christmas superfly soccer shoes parade, or go to Silver Springs and check out their Festival of Lights. If nothing else, take the kids to the park or the Marion County Library it’s not necessarily about what you do, superfly soccer shoes but about getting out of the house and doing something.
Create some new traditions and memories. If this is your first Christmas since the break up, it’s likely that the traditions of years past are haunting you and contributing to your sadness. While you should certainly keep those traditions that bring you comfort and that you enjoy, you should also eliminate any that are simply too painful to continue. If your first date with your former partner was to the Ocala Christmas Parade and you then went every year, don’t go anymore. Go to the Belleview Christmas Parade or the Dunnellon Christmas Parade. Or skip the parade completely and stock up on some Christmas DVDs and have a Christmas special marathon at home, with popcorn, candy canes and hot chocolate superfly soccer shoes.